Boundaries, what are they?

We often don’t notice our own boundaries until they have been crossed or violated. Boundaries can be around time, energy, resources, physical space, touch, emotions, money, or values. Strong boundaries protect us in some way and keep us safe. Having a healthy separation between work life and personal life, a time boundary, protects against emotional and physical overwhelm. Protecting our resources by setting an emotional boundary on the amount of emotional support we give away means we can attend to our own emotional needs. When we set a healthy boundary, we are acting in alignment with our aware self, showing ourselves respect, and taking action to protect ourselves in some way.

The first step towards approaching boundary setting is to have an inner dialogue with yourself. It requires you to turn inward and notice what is happening in your body and mind. Is there a part of you that is saying no? If your body is sending a message that it is exhausted and needs rest, this can be received by the mind as no, we need our time and energy. If you are filled with anxiety and tension over something you said yes to, this can be a signal that part of you wanted to say no to the request. Turning inward to consult all aspects of yourself is an ongoing process that builds awareness. Psychotherapy can be helpful during your journey of inner exploration and relationship work by supporting self-awareness and boundary setting. Therapy can also help you examine the relationship you have with yourself, which may be affecting boundary setting.  

Setting a boundary can be scary, and the person you set a boundary with will have their own emotional reaction. It is helpful to focus on your own why, or why you are setting this boundary for yourself. By setting a boundary you are taking a big step towards protecting yourself for good reason, it is helpful to remind yourself of this. Also remember, that we have no control over how our boundary is received. Another person’s negative reaction to a boundary you set is their own experience to make sense of, deal with, and navigate. You might find it helpful to read this blog post about emotional regulation, and how we are each responsible for managing our own internal states. 

In therapy you can be supported in looking at what is happening within your relationships and exploring where you may want to set a boundary or limit. Good boundaries can allow you to stay connected with other people in an authentic way, while still honoring your own sense of self, needs, and separateness. Hit the start free consultation button and we can set up a time to talk.